you are my sunshine
It has been a very hard few days, I am solo parenting again, tomorrow is going to be our forth day alone with zero support and zero socializing, no school, no friends, no family. At times I felt like my heart is gonna stop literally and I have nothing left to do but to scream my anxiety and exhaustion out. I have never felt like this in so sooo long. To be honest, I haven't felt like this since my postpartum of my first newborn where everything was new to me and I had exactly no clue what I am doing. I am not in my best shape of mental state, am just over tired and sleep deprived, feeling so isolated and lonely, I don't actually like this version of myself, the controlling, anxious, unable to decide, absent, version of me, but this is also reality. I need to write, to paint, to just have fun. to focus and be content with life right now. Our days are good, the kids are excited and so energetic but I am just un able to keep up with all their needs, End of June heat wave ...
